


biding his time

by smortperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Jake Peralta, Bisexuality, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24711532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smortperalta/pseuds/smortperalta
Summary: jake peralta and amy santiago’s wedding date is creeping nearer and nearer, but there’s one problem: he still hasn’t come out to her as bisexual.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago
Comments: 13
Kudos: 71





	1. the briefing

Having just finished his update on the Warren Street case, Jake Peralta sits back in his usual chair at the front of the room, next to his fiancée. Anxious to get back on a different case he’s been working, Jake shakes his leg up and down, impatiently waiting for Captain Holt to wrap up the meeting.

“Anything else?” Captain Holt asks. He’s in a good mood today; Jake can tell because of the slight extra inflection at the end of the question.

99% of the time, this question signals the end of a meeting, so by the time Holt finishes his sentence, Jake is already about halfway out of his chair. He’s standing up to leave when Rosa gets up abruptly, as if to make an announcement. Shocked, Jake lowers himself back into his seat and turns around to listen.

“Uh, yes,” Rosa says, uncharacteristically quiet. “There’s something I’d like to say. I’m a pretty private person, so this is kind of hard for me, but...here we go. I’m bisexual.”

Jake’s heart begins pounding in his ears as Rosa begins fielding questions. He makes a comment about Kelly Kapowski and asks Rosa who she’s dating now, but none of the conversation really registers with him. The whole time the squad is talking, all Jake can think about is how, now that his squad knows about Rosa, it’s only a matter of time before they find out about him. Before _Amy_ finds out.

He’s been meaning to tell her, he really has, but it hasn’t exactly come up in conversation. Like, “Hello, Amy, the woman who I’ve been dating for an extended period of time and who has agreed to marry me, guess what? I’m bisexual! Still love you, though!” And especially now, after their engagement, it seems even more impossible to tell her, because there is no legitimate reason for him not having come out to her before he proposed.

Rosa’s minute of questions feels like an eternity to Jake. Once it’s over, Jake lets Rosa leave the room first, because Jake Peralta sprinting back to his desk to do paperwork would definitely be suspicious. When she’s out the door, Jake stands up as casually as possible from his chair and walks to his desk, throwing himself back into his work. Don’t think about it, he tells himself. Repress, repress, repress. It worked for his dad leaving, so why not this? But this time, there’s a pain in Jake’s chest, and he feels like he’s going to scream if he doesn’t say something soon.

After a couple of hours of nonstop work, Jake finally breaks through on the case. Bringing his paperwork with him, he heads to the evidence room to confirm his hunch. Just as Jake has set down his files, the door swings open again. He looks up, hoping it’s not Rosa. He can’t talk to her right now. He’ll definitely say something he regrets.

“Hey,” Rosa says, coming over to where Jake is working, “was that weird earlier?”

_Shit._

Panicking, Jake decides to try and change the subject. He replies, “You mean when Charles showed us those pictures of Nikolaj taking a very sudsless bath? Yes, it was uncomfortable.”

“No, I mean when I told everyone I was bi,” Rosa says. But she doesn’t make fun of him for giving a stupid answer. It’s clear that she’s actually really worried. “Was it too touchy-feely?”

“Rosa, no, it was great,” he answers, smiling, although internally, he’s a little disappointed that his subject-changing maneuver didn’t work.

Even though every instinct in him screams that he needs to find a way out of this conversation, Jake can’t bear to leave his friend when she’s so upset. So instead, he reassures Rosa that everyone is still terrified of her and that it’s okay to open up once in a while, even if he feels like the world’s biggest hypocrite while saying it.

“So, how did your parents take it?” Jake asks, trying to at least keep the conversation centered around Rosa.

“Uhh...I haven’t told them yet,” Rosa replies, her eyes darting to the floor.

“Really?” Jake says, surprised that she’d tell the squad before her parents. “I mean, of course, you don’t have to,” he reneges, not wanting to seem as though he’s judging her, “but I just thought you guys were getting closer since prison.”

“No, I mean, we are, it’s just...I don’t know how I would say something like that, especially to my dad. He’s super traditional. I’m afraid this would just mess everything up. We’ve been having so much fun lately. I don’t want to lose that.”

Rosa lifts her gaze to meet Jake’s eyes, and he can see tears glistening in the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. He’s never seen Rosa this genuinely emotional, even though she’s one of his closest friends, at the Nine-Nine or otherwise. He doesn’t know what to do, but he does know that he wants to help. All of a sudden, before he can stop it, the words start pouring out of his mouth.

“Okay. Maybe just be honest with them, right? Tell them how you feel. Like, you could say, Mom, Dad, I’m bisexual. But I’m still your so-- I mean, daughter. I’m still the same person that I’ve always been, and who I love will never change that. And you guys raised me to be strong and confident, and I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. I am bi,” he finishes. But then he sees the expression on Rosa’s face, and only one word comes to his mind: Fuck.

“Jake, that was…perfect.” Rosa says, staring at him wide-eyed. “You sure you haven’t done this before?” She says it with a laugh, and he can tell she’s joking, but it’s too late: he’s gone into panic mode.

“Done what before? Come out? Pfffft, Rosa, come on, you know that’s crazy. I mean, why would I do that? Clearly, I’m just an amazing actor. That’s what you should take away from this. Tell everyone how amazing of an actor I am.” The words come out at breakneck speed, and with every one, Jake knows he’s making his situation worse.

“Dude, I was joking,” Rosa says, “you don’t have to be all weird.” But then she looks at him as though she’s never seen him before, and she gives him a very rare smile. “Thanks for the help. You know you can come to me if you need anything.”

There’s a knowing glint in her eye, but she doesn’t push it. As she turns to go, Jake grabs her by the arm, knowing he has to say something. She confided in him, and it’s only fair if he reciprocates that, especially after how weirdly he’s just acted. Besides, this is the best opportunity he’s going to get, and he knows he’ll regret it if he doesn’t act. He takes a deep breath.

“Rosa, you deserve to know the truth. I’m….” Jake hesitates for a second. He’s never really done this before, genuinely come out to someone, although he’s thought about it all too often.

Steeling himself, he continues, “I’m bi too. The only other person who knows is Gina, because she figured out the real reason why I wanted to get in with this kid Brandon in high school. My parents don’t know, Charles doesn’t know, and, um, Amy doesn’t know, either. Please, please don’t tell anyone. I’ll say something, but, I don’t know...I just need time. There are so many people I should’ve told, but now I just don’t know how.”

When Jake finishes talking, he heaves a huge sigh as he attempts to gauge Rosa’s reaction. Unfortunately, other than Captain Holt, Rosa is the most straight-faced person Jake knows, and he can’t figure out what she’s thinking. He’s forced to stand there and wait for her to respond.

“Jake, I’m glad you told me,” Rosa finally says, “and I won’t say anything to anyone else. I know what it’s like to live in fear that someone’s going to out you, and I would not do that to you. But like you said to me a couple of minutes ago, it’s okay to open up a little. We can get through this together.”

Having someone else in the precinct who knows makes Jake feel as though a two-ton weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. He’s glad it’s Rosa, too, because he knows he can actually trust her not to say anything. He blinks back tears of pure relief. 

“Thanks, Rosa,” Jake says, keeping his voice as steady as possible. “Same goes for you, you know that.”

Rosa nods, saying nothing more, but before she leaves, she pulls Jake in for a hug. It only lasts about two seconds, but it means so much more than any words she could have offered him. She leaves the evidence room, and Jake turns back to his papers, wondering what happens next, and how he is ever going to work up the courage to tell Amy.


	2. the invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jake struggles with his thoughts and gets an unlikely invitation to dinner from rosa

For the next hour, Jake once again tries to drown out his thoughts with his case, but this time, it doesn’t work. He can’t focus. The words on his papers swim before his eyes, and no matter how hard he tries, he can’t make sense of anything. There’s only one thought circling his mind right now, and it’s overpowering.

_ I came out _ .

Of course, technically, Gina has known about his sexuality for years. But that feels different somehow. First of all, she figured it out on her own, almost before he did. She helped him work through his feelings, helped him figure out who he is, but he never had to officially tell her. Plus, she’s Gina, and they’ve been friends for so long that she’s practically his sister. 

Telling Rosa, on the other hand...that changes things. He said the words:  _ I’m bi _ . He put them out into the universe, and there’s no taking it back now. Even though Jake knows Rosa won’t say anything to any of their colleagues, it feels like he’s opened the floodgates, and it’s only a matter of time before the dam breaks and his confession comes flooding out in front of the whole squad. In front of Amy.

Shaking his head, Jake tells himself to snap out of it. He puts his pencil down in resignation; there is no way he is going to be able to finish this case today. Picking up the files, Jake leaves the evidence room and heads back to his desk. He plops the stack of papers down there and collapses into his chair, observing his friends as they continue to actually get work done.

Jake shifts his gaze to the empty chair at the desk facing his. The desk is, as always, spotless and incredibly tidy. There’s a basket full of neatly labeled folders, and a binder sitting on the desk’s corner. Most of the time, Jake really misses having Amy right here. She now usually sits on the floor below, where she can command her uniformed officers. But right now, he’s a little relieved that she’s not there. She can read him like a book; she’d definitely know something was wrong. And he has no idea what he’d say if she asked about it.

The buzz of Jake’s phone startles him out of his thoughts. He picks it up off of his desk. It’s a text from Rosa:  **Dinner tonight?**

Jake finds the invitation a little odd, knowing how little Rosa likes to mix work and personal life. He knows approximately five definite facts about Rosa, and she usually wants to keep it that way. But given what’s gone down today, he doesn’t think much of it.

He sends back,  **Sure, sounds toit. Where/when are we meeting?**

**Your apartment, 7. I know you’ll be late if I ask you to meet me anywhere else.**

**Harsh, but fair. See ya at 7**. Jake sets his phone back on the desk. It could be nice to have dinner with Rosa, now that she knows the truth. He can finally talk to her without having to worry that something’s going to accidentally slip out.

Realizing he has no idea what time it is, Jake turns his phone back on: 4:30 PM. Somehow, the entire day has passed, and there are only fifteen minutes until he’s off today. Finally, he can get out of this precinct and away from his thoughts and his secrets and back to his and Amy’s apartment.

_ Shit _ . Amy. 

Since Jake moved in with her, they’ve been driving to work together. It’s actually been kind of nice. Amy makes sure Jake is never late (or, more accurately, she freaks out if he is even one minute behind her elaborate morning schedule). The first time Jake showed up to the precinct fifteen minutes early, Captain Holt checked his watch about twenty times to make sure it was correct. Not having to drive all alone twice a day in a Brooklyn rush hour is also a plus. Today, though, the prospect of spending thirty minutes in standstill traffic with Amy seems a little daunting.

Usually, if one of them has to work late in the evening, that person will just take a cab or the subway. For a second, Jake considers pretending he has to stay late, and coming up with some fake excuse or a made-up, urgent lead. But then he realizes he can’t even do that because of his dinner with Rosa. He’s just going to have to suck it up.

Jake spends the last fifteen minutes of his shift on the case, and surprisingly is able to make some progress this time. The lead that had taken him to the evidence room in the first place turns out to be promising, and he has some new possible contacts that he can investigate tomorrow. As he puts down his pen and leans back in his chair, collecting his papers, he sees Amy walking to her desk.

“You ready to head out?” She asks, offering him a smile.

Jake can’t help but smile in return. He’s struck by how beautiful she looks in this moment, standing across from him at her desk, geared up in her full sergeant’s uniform. 

“Just about, give me one sec to get these files in order,” Jake replies as casually as possible. 

By “get these files in order,” Jake, of course, means stacking them into as neat of a pile as he can in one second and promptly shoving them into one of his desk drawers. As he stands up, he sees Amy rolling her eyes at him. No matter how hard she tries, there is absolutely no way Jake is about to implement a binder/folder system for his desk. Even if he sometimes has to spend fifteen minutes to find the paper he wants. At this point, it’s a matter of pride.

“Alright, good to go,” Jake says as he stands up, grabbing his bag from the back of his chair.

The two of them make their way towards the elevator, and as they pass Charles’s desk, he joins them. The three of them get in together, and though Jake mostly zones out, preoccupied, he hears enough to know that Charles is explaining, yet again, the intimacy of “shampooing your lover’s hair.” When the elevator doors finally open, the three of them walk out of the precinct. Jake and Amy say goodnight to Charles as they start walking towards their car. 

As soon as Charles is out of earshot, Amy says, “I have never been so repulsed by shampoo. I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to have someone else do my hair ever again.” Then, jokingly, she adds, “You seemed deep in thought about it, though. Don’t get any ideas.” She elbows him in the ribs lightly, laughing.

Jake tries to reciprocate her energy, he really tries to smile back, but his face contorts into what is definitely much more a grimace than a smile. Amy’s laughter falters, and she turns to look at him with a much more serious expression.

“Hey, is everything all right?” Amy asks him, her brow furrowing in concern. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you stay quiet for this long.”

“Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” Jake responds, but he can’t bring himself to meet her gaze. “Just a long day at work. I’m working a pretty violent case, and I guess it’s just...got me down.” Desperate to change the subject, he adds, “I’m having dinner with Rosa tonight, by the way.”

Amy looks shocked. “With Rosa? Like Rosa Diaz? Our colleague? Who carries a knife on her at all times and refuses to tell us any personal information about her?”

Jake finally manages a laugh. “Yep, that’s the one. That was pretty much my reaction when she asked me. But given that it’s Rosa, and I’m too scared of her to say no, I’m just going with it.”

“Probably smart,” Amy says. “She’s probably got a lot on her mind, anyway, given her announcement today.”

_ Fuck.  _ Jake needs to get her off this topic, and fast. Luckily, before Amy can continue with her train of thought, they reach their car. Amy gets into the passenger seat, and Jake slides in behind the wheel with a sigh. It’s going to be a long car ride.


End file.
